Fears & Hemophobia

Have you noticed that a lot of people have weird fears or quirks?

*EXAMPLES*

Ashley: My sister has a huge fear of zombies, it takes all her strength and a lot of pleading from her husband to watch a zombie movie.

Nick: Can't stand the sight of people putting wooden things in their mouths, Popsicle sticks bring on chills and cringes.

Diane: My mother in law, can't stand it when her kids pretend that they're going to fall. A trip to the Grand Canyon, had the kids leaning over the edge of the cliffs, and giving their mom nervous breakdowns.

I: Can't stand holding anything fabric in my teeth, towels, shirt, anything. Yuck, I get gross feelings just thinking about it.

Brandon: My brother in law, can't stand people walking barefoot on the carpet while brushing their teeth. I have no idea what that's about.

I know that a lot of people know this about me, but a lot don't. From the time I was about 5 till just last year, I had hemophobia and trypanophobia. Rather extreme cases too. Hemophobia is the fear of blood, and trypanophobia is the fear of injections or needles.

When I was 5, I saw my brother get in injection, and I passed out. Ever since then, for as long as I can remember, whenever I would see an injection or anything bloody, I would pass out. It got to the point where even if people talked about blood or needles, I would pass out. Sometimes, just the fear of passing out, would make me pass out. Paradox. As you can imagine over the years, I've had some pretty amazing blacking out stories . . .

Squid: One of the earliest memories I have is when my Kindergarten class dissected squid for our school's Ocean Week. I got nervous about it, and asked not to participate. I remember sitting over on the bean bags by myself, while my class was dissecting squid. What fun!

Sarah: When I was about 10, my cousin Sarah was playing in the yard and hit her foot on a sprinkler head and had to get stitches. I was staying over at her house the day she got them out, so I went with her. A couple minutes in the Doctor's office had me passed out on the floor. My cousin was just fine.

6th Grade: We were having sex education and talking about AIDS. That's all we were doing was talking about it. I woke up with my very fat teacher standing over me. I went outside and sat against the wall and heard my classmates talk about how weird I was.

Seminary: It seems like a lot of my experiences happened in classrooms, now that I look at it. Anyway, we were in a very stuffy classroom, talking about the Crucifixion. We were going into detail about how a Doctor had said that after 36 hours of labor (or some unbelievable number like that) the woman had two beads of blood appear on her forehead. That was enough to put me out for the count. After I recovered, my teacher delicately brought up the fact that I was skinny and asked if I was anorexic. If only it had been that simple.

Photography: You wouldn't think that starting a photography class in high school would be cause for concern, and it wasn't. Until my teacher told the whole class that being in the dark room can be disorienting and he's had people pass out. I panicked. As we walked into the dark room, the heater had been on all night, and that only added to my anxiety. I rushed out of the dark room and passed out on the floor in the bathroom.

Philosophy in Literature: Yet another wonderful school experience . . . I had to fill a requirement for college and ended up taking Philosophy in Literature. It was a completely crap class, but anyway. We had to read Dracula, and in our class of 5 were talking about the blood and transfusion scenes in the book. I quickly exited the classroom, found the nearest bathroom and immediately passed out in a stall. I woke up on the floor, with my legs completely sticking out of the stall, and I just prayed that no one had walked in.

The Breaking Point: It took many, many years, 17 actually, but I hit my breaking point when it started to affect my job. My manager, Susie, was talking about the medical procedure that she had, a lap band. I don't even want to think about it, cause it still creeps me out a little. As she was explaining it to me, I started to walk over to my desk, thinking that I could sit down before I passed out. I came to, sprawled in a walkway at work with a bump on my head, and about 5 people above me. I started to cry and they told me that they had sent for an ambulance. As you can imagine that only made it worse. Nick showed up and escorted me to the car before the EMT's got there.

The worst part was that I was so nervous about work, that I couldn't go back. I would have anxiety attacks in the parking lot, and couldn't make it into the lobby. I had to take some pretty strong anxiety medication just to make it back to my desk. At this point, I was sick of it.

It got to the point where even a simple Doctor's visit, had to involve the day off of work and Nick accompanying me.

I met with a therapist, in her house, which was kind of weird, and we talked about it. Just getting to the appointment, had made me a nervous wreck. I got a little more comfortable and after a couple meetings we were able to talk about my problem. She asked me to explain what happened when I passed out. I told her that I would get dizzy and black out and get hot and cold flashed.

EPIPHANY: She said, so simply, "that sounds like what happens when you stop breathing." (Hallelujah choruses commence) After 17 years of having anxiety about the smallest things, all I had to do was breathe. I was getting freaked out and not breathing, so obviously my body was passing out in order to take over and reset me.

It wasn't as easy as that, but it was a huge start. When I became pregnant there were many reassuring talks by Nick as I would have anxiety attacks on the way to the Doctor's office, because I had to have a blood test.

The ultimate triumph was a goal that I had set to get a tattoo. I know that sounds weird, but it seemed very cathartic. If I could go and get a procedure done completely by needles, that was just something that I needed to do. I had to get it done very compulsively, so that I wouldn't have time to think. Consequently I didn't get the best quality tattoo, but every time I see it, I know that I've come a long way.

A few other passing out places were the kitchen after my tattoo; during a blood test for my Marriage certificate; getting an ingrown eyelash removed, and a lot of others I can't even remember.

Of course, the very best triumph was when I was able to have my son, Asher, in the hospital and not pass out even once! He's a constant reminder of how tough I've become. Watch our Sarah Conner, you've got nothin on me!