Conundrum

I take 4 pills every morning, a couple prescription drugs, a multivitamin and birth control. Since I have 3 medications that I have to refill at the pharmacy, I sometimes get behind and will go a couple days without meds before I have time to go to the pharmacy and refill them.

I've now been about 4 days without my birth control. I've earnestly made 3 attempts to pick it up, but either something has come up, or I've forgotten. I have a horrible memory.

As we were in the kitchen I, in passing, said that I hadn't taken birth control in 4 days. Nick looked extremely shocked and said, "You didn't ask me for help picking it up?" Honestly, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind. Nick immediately left to Rite-Aid. Now, Rite-Aid is only about 7 blocks from our house, but after 45 minutes Nick still wasn't home. After about an hour, I hear the car pull up.

"What took so long?" I made sure that this statement sounded nonchalant, rather than concerned, so that he wouldn't think I was ungrateful.

Nick then proceeds to tell me that once he went to Rite-Aid, the store was open, but the pharmacy wasn't. Seriously? Why the H else would you go to Rite-Aid if not for prescriptions? So, he was going to buy some condoms, but he felt dumb just buying condoms. He told me later, "I'm not sure why, but I've always been afraid to purchase condoms. Even though I'm almost 30 and have been married for seven years, I feel uncomfortable buying them. When it comes to tampons, pads, Vagisil, or whatever, I'm fine. I think it might be because when I purchase those, the checker doesn't assume that they'll be used on my genitals. But if I buy condoms, they'll know that I'll be having sex. And if I buy just condoms, they'll know that I'll be having sex within the hour. And if I buy condoms and just a few other items along with them, then they'll assume that I'll be incorporating those few items into whatever sexual experiences I have planned."

So he decided to run up to Smith's Marketplace which is about 10 blocks from Rite-Aid, because they have a self check-out stand. He grabs the hot glue sticks and yellow fabric dye he needed to make Asher's Halloween costume ("yeah, hot glue, dye, and condoms...I wonder what this sicko has planned") and strolls by their drug department to snag the condoms, but what does he find? That the pharmacy is closed, and while the pharmacy doesn't have to sell you the condoms, they have conveniently locked the front of the pharmacy, which is where the condoms are located.

They were only about a foot inside the iron grate, so if he was clever enough he could maybe squeeze his arm inside. ...Or perhaps, if he ran up to the Halloween section he could snag a plastic pitchfork and maneuver the condoms to safety. But then he realized how awkward it would look to be kneeling on the ground in front of the condoms, poking and prodding them with a plastic pitchfork. Coming to the conclusion that he wouldn't be having sex that night, he bought his other items and left. On his way to the car Nick vowed (again) to never shop at Smith's. (The first time involved a bagger with Down's.)

So when you go to Smith's, remember that anyone can purchase alcohol or cigarettes, but if you want to buy some condoms you'll have to get a manager to unlock them for you.

It turns out that we actually had some condoms tucked away in a drawer so we ended up doin' it anyways.

Silly, Nick.